Lessons from "Happy Feet"

1. Never compromise your true self just because other people want you to. Remember what makes you different is what makes you unique.
2. Stop trying to go with what the society dictates you to do. If you continue to change yourself just to make other people happy, you will never find true happiness and you will never find yourself.
3. Sometimes, you must first find yourself before you find love.
4. Follow your heart. It will never lead you astray.

Favorite Line: " I know size can be daunting but don't be afraid...I love you."

_____________

Let me just share a text message I received this morning which somehow made me feel good about myself:

I really appreciate yung pakikinig mo sa mga problema ko. You're such a nice
person. Your friends are lucky for having someone like you. Just want you to
know kung may problema ka, I'm a good listener too...Kung busy mga friends mo,
andito lang ako. Had a nice time chatting; ay whining pala. Sensya ka na talaga.
Dyahe pero alam mo, luwag sa dibdib na na-release ko lahat ng mga naiisip ko.
Sensya ka na nga lang talaga, sayo ko pa nabuhos lahat. Ingat lage...

Well, it just feels good that I helped someone thru her troubles. Hope I'd be given another opportunity like that in the future.

I once told a friend that my being emotional and sentimental is my primary weakness. The same friend told me that those same qualities are also my strenghts. She said that it is the reason why I have so many friends...I hope so.

I'm Coming Out

Well, it's not exactly my idea of coming out. I woke up very early on Sunday morning and despite my effort to go back to sleep, hindi ko magawa. So, I decided to get up from bed. My father was already up as I heard Matt Monro crooning on the radio. I went to the kitchen and fixed myself a cup of coffee. Then, I joined my father on the sofa. We sat there on companionable silence for sometime. Something was really going on thru my mind and I guess, I just needed to blurt it out. So we had a brief conversation, really brief....

Me: Pa...?
Him: Ano? Mag-aasawa ka na?
Me: No. Inlove pa lang...
Him: (patted me at the back and ginulo ang buhok ko) it's okay...that's okay.
Me: But what if...
Him: What?
Me: What if I've fallen inlove with another girl?
Him: (stared at me incredelously) No. You know that can't be. It's against everything we believe in.

After that, he went silent. Lost in thought. Then, he stood up and left me.

All day yesterday, I waited for my mother to confront me (my father never hides anything from her). But nobody asked me about what took place that morning. I guess, my father has opted to forget about it. I don't know. I don't want to assume and I don't want to think about it.

I like Philippine Idol's episode last night. It was cute (imagine Pow Chavez wearing a dress on national television!). Hehe! Natawa talaga ako nung nakita ko syang naka-bestida at polka dots pa ha?! Anyway, Lea Salonga was there as the guest judge and I think she made a fine job of it. Very insightful yung comments nya although pansin ko, medyo partial sya kay Gian (she mentioned that she knew him). I just hope Pow won't get voted out yet. Marami na syang fans and even Lea liked her. I like her, too! I think she's the epitome of what lesbians and gays are trying to achieve (kaya siguro maraming bumoboto). Yung acceptance and recognition ng society. Sana maka-abot sya kahit sa Top Three lang...

Abnormal

I found this sa email ko today. Sent by my favorite cousin (thank you, Sol!) Really cheered me up.

Got really drunk last night with Pia and Yen. Imagine, the three of us having two shots of tequila each and drinking Colt 45? Ako hindi ko ma-imagine e. I remember though telling them that I'm not used to Asia Brewery products at talagang nasisira ang tyan ko dun (San Miguel lang kinakaya ng tyan ko, bro!). Nevertheless, yun pa rin ang in-order nila at isang bucket pa! As if naman they gave me an option? So ako'ng si engot e walang choice kundi inumin ang kung anumang nakahain (kahit alam ko na magpo-protesta ang tyan ko later on). They never allowed me to start drinking without having to eat first, though. Talagang pinagpilitan ni Yen na kumain muna ako. Siguro dahil sa sobrang pagod kaya nakaka-isang bote pa lang ako, hilo na ako agad. To top it off, nag-order nga si Pia ng tequila! Kaya ako'ng si engot, hindi ko na mahanap ang papuntang comfort room kagabi at ang tingin ko sa mga kumakanta e magaganda lahat! At itong si Pia e hindi pa nasiyahan, hinatak ako sa dance floor and inaya akong sumayaw! Hindi ko rin alam pero ang feeling ko, anglambot ng katawan ko kagabi. Hehe! I really did danced last night! Hindi ko pa ginawa yun sa tanang buhay ko! Pero kagabi, anglakas ng loob ko e. Feeling ko wala akong hiya.

Funny though, pero hindi naman nasira ang tyan ko. I was half-expecting that I'll wake up ng madaling-araw sa kumukulong tyan pero hindi (ala-una na ako nakauwi). I did wake up ng madaling-araw and wala man lang akong trace ng hang-over...Hmn, effective ata yung sinabi ni Bigfoot na uminom ng maraming tubig bago matulog. Hehe. At least, na-discover ko that my stomach could tolerate Asia Brewery products at...contrary to my belief, marunong pala akong sumayaw (sana lang hindi kinunan ni Yen yung pagsayaw ko at talagang nakakahiya yun)!

I also watched Pacquiao-Morales bout kanina. Grabeeeehhh ang ABS-CBN! Andaming commercials! Anyway, napahiyaw ako nung natapon sa lona si Morales (napapalingon tuloy si Kenji saken at siguro nahihiwagaan sya dahil parang baliw na sumisigaw ang tita nya). Hehe! Congrats, Manny! Although, I admit that I'm not really a Pacquaio fan (feeling ko kasi masyado na syang commercialized e) but when he knocked down Morales 20 seconds before the end of the third round, made me proud I'm a Filipino. ;)

Rhymes & Quotes

Whatever is pure,
Whatever is true,
Whatever is cautious,
Whatever is sensible;
I forgot all of it
since I met you...

I love you, not with the innocence and reckless passion of first love but with gentle understanding and patience of a mature person.



The message below is not actually a quote. But it was intended for me and I really appreciate it...

alam mo, magsisisi ka lang naman kung ieexpect mo na tatanggapin nya yung
sinabi mo eh. just be sure na pag sinabi mo yun, yung approach mo di sya
maiilang sayo. tignan mo kami nung pinagconfess-an ko, rejected nga ako pero
parang wala lang.

The New Year

Hah! Finally, I'm back! I miss going in here and posting my thoughts. Hehe. The truth of the matter is, hindi ako makapag-post sa office kasi naka-block ang site na ito kaya kahit gustong-gusto ko mag-update for the past week, hindi ko magawa.

Yesterday? Birthday ko. Nothing fancy there. Just had dinner with my friends. Honestly, I didn't enjoy it as much as I would like to. Partly because my heart wasn't really in it. Well, don't get me wrong. I enjoy spending time with my friends but last night? Parang tinamad akong hindi ko maintindihan. I guess, it must have shown kasi nagyaya silang umuwi ng maaga. Hindi ko na rin pinigilan so they dropped me off sa bahay. At itong si Pia? HIndi ko alam na meron din palang sense of humor itong bestfriend kong ito...She handed me a Coke in can after I got off from the car and said, "regalo ko sayo, tol..." I got the message and laughed hard for the first time that evening.

Kahapon din, last day ko sa work. Funny how people could be so kind to you when they know you're about to leave plus pinagkakalat pa ni Wines na birthday ko so they were doubly kind to me yesterday. I got plenty of hug and pat on the back which I really appreciate (even got a kiss from Ms Lanie! *grin*). I love those people and I love my job there, really. But the company has been thru financial difficulties for the past three months already. Hindi ko rin alam what made me stay when I've been receiving calls na for job interviews from other companies. Siguro dahil I hate venturing into new and unknown territories. And I have the tendency to stay once I got comfortable with something or someone...I still hadn't made that phone call to eTelecare to schedule an interview (I plan to do so later today).

Everything around me has changed starting today. The new year has come early for me. I have to make the most out of it...
_____________________________

Sycamore: As per your request, here is the text message I composed habang nakatunganga sa labas ng parlor a couple of weeks back...

If fate beckoned that I should meet you, I don't particularly care that I met you just now. I'm just glad that we met when we did, not sooner nor later...Any sooner, I wouldn't have noticed. Any later, I wouldn't have paid attention...

There's a continuation to the message, actually. Read on...

And what scares me more is the thought that this may all be a dream...that I would wake up and realize that you weren't real...that the magic might be gone at any moment...

Then, there's another message I composed as soon as I opened my eyes this morning:

Milestone is what we call of every situation and decision which alter our
life...but did you know that it could also be applied to people who touched our
lives with such an impact that it could never be the same again since we met
that person?...In my life, you are one of it's milestones...

Last Song Syndrome

I've always loved this song. Masyadong meaningful yung lyrics at romantic yung pagkakanta ni Selena (I cried when I watched "Selena" with J.Lo on the starring role)...This is the effect of too much listening to sentimental songs...

Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I stay up and think of you
And I wish on a star
That somewhere you are thinking of me too

'Cause I'm dreaming of you tonight
'Til tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Than here in my room dreaming about you and me

Wonder if you ever see me and I wonder if you
Know I'm there (Am I there, Am I)
If you looked in my eyes, would you see what's inside
Would you even care
I just wanna hold you close but so far
All I have are dreams of you
So I wait for the day and the courage to say
How much I love you
Yes I do

I'll be dreaming of you tonight
'Til tomorrow I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Than here in my room dreaming about you and me

(BRIDGE)
Ahh-Ahh (corazon)
I can't stop dreaming
I can't stop dreaming of you
I can't stop dreaming
I can't stop dreaming of you


Kapag pala nakatunganga ka lang e marami kang maiisip gawin...That's what happened to me Saturday night when I waited for a friend na matapos magpa-parlor. Aba, imagine that I waited for almost two hours! Kundi ko lang mahal yun (at kundi lang pinagbilin saken) e nungkang hintayin ko yun! The result? I was able to compose a message pero dahil wala akong mapagsulatan, tinayp ko sa sms. I thought I lost my touch on making those kinds of messages...Hehe (inspired?). Hopefully, makapag-compose uli ako ng poem sometime in the future...

On The Receiving End

• I received a call from a member the other day and she was asking me why she couldn't find our website. Apparently, she's been using the wrong URL, thus, she couldn't get into our homepage. So I gave her the address of our company's new website. Then, she asked her log in ID and password. I gave it to her as well after viewing her profile in my computer. Afterwards, she inquired how she could log on into her Personal Information Website (By this time, it's becoming clear to me that the caller is not used to computers.) So I told her that she just need to type her member ID number and password on the space provided therein but she told me she couldn't find it. I asked her to describe what she see on her monitor and she gave it to me. She insisted that she can't see any space on which she could type her member ID and password. I asked her to scroll down on the page and she gave a hearty laugh then apologized that her secretary is not around to assist her (By this time, I'm becoming exasperated already coz we've been talking for over 20 minutes already and the entire time was spent in instructing her on how to log in!). Good thing the caller is so "malambing" and kept apologizing to me. I somehow felt guilty coz she may have felt my exasperation over the phone. I said it was okay and when I ended the call, I told her to call me back should she have anymore problem. I was thinking, this would be the kind of calls that I'd receive should I transfer to eTelecare where I have a pending application. I am currently preparing myself for the change of environment. No wonder, they say that it is so stressing to become a call center agent. Well, pag naka-receive ka ng ganung call, hindi ba stressing naman talaga?!
• I got a birthday card from my lola from the Land Down Under. She's one of the first few people who already greeted me for my birthday. Come to think of it, she always send a birthday card for my birthday every year! Call me old-fashioned but I always find greeting cards and snail mails more sweeter than receiving emails or text messages. Tingin ko kasi mas malaking effort ang binibigay ng sender pag ganun plus its kinda more personal since you will have to literally write your message on it. I will have to remind myself to send a Thank You card for my lola sometime next week. Hehe, gaya kasi sya nung member namin na hindi rin sanay gumamit ng computer *grin*.
• I received a sound advise from my bestfriend last night. Masama daw pakiramdam nya but she asked if we could meet so I could edit her report for their departmental meeting today. After doing that, we talked about our personal lives and she inquired about my lovelife (as if meron). Later, she told me: "Tol, i-suppress mo muna ang feelings mo sa ngayon. Baka kasi masaktan ka sa bandang huli. Sinasabi ko 'to kasi kaibigan kita. Wag ka muna magpakalunod sa nararamdaman mo. Wag ka muna pumunta sa five feet (comparing my feelings to a swimming pool), dun ka muna sa one or two feet. Magtampisaw ka muna dun. Baka malunod ka sa malalim at mahirapan ka na makaahon. Ikaw din..."

50 Questions....

My first post for my birthday month...Haha! Don't know who made the questions...whoever he/she is, ang masasabi ko lang...hindi sya marunong magbilang!!!

1. How tall are you barefoot? "how tall" or "how short"???
2. Have you ever smoked weed? Nope! Yosi nga hindi ko kaya...weed pa?
3. Do you own a gun? No, what for?
4. Who's your best friend? Pia.
5. Do you get nervous before "meeting the parents"? Yeah...but i get comfortable, eventually.
6. What do you think of hot dogs? Hindi ba dating pinoy band yan?
7. What's your favorite Christmas song? "Perfect Christmas" by Jose Mari Chan.
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Coffee!
9. Can you do push ups? Yeah, pero mabilis ako mapagod.
10. Is your bathroom clean? Naman!
11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? Just a ring. Pinaka-paborito ko yung puzzle ring which I bought from Baguio.
13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite/SAME sex? Ewan. may secret weapon ba sa ganyan?
14. Do you own a knife? Nope. although, i must admit, I am fascinated with it.
15. Do you have A.D.D.?
16. Middle Name? Mataganas
17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment? (a) buti walang calls (b) may nagyayaya na naman ng inuman mamaya, sasama ba ako? (3) musta na kaya si kras?
18. Name the last 3 things you have bought: (a) dinner kagabi (b) fruits (c) FHM mag.
19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? (a) coffee (b) water (c) iced tea
20. What time did you wake up today? Around 0555H
22. Current worry? Entrance exam nung kapatid ko sa university.
23. Current hate? Wala e...
24. Favorite place to be? Bedroom lang.
25. Least favorite place to be? Wala e...
26. Where would you like to go? Sa Palawan!
27. Do you own slippers? No, i use my favorite sandals when I'm at home.
28. What shirt are you wearing? Navy blue collared shirt.
29. Do you burn or tan? Morena ako e so wala ng susunugin sa balat ko.
30. Favorite color(s)? Blue! Any shade of blue!
31. Would you be a pirate? Why not?
32. Last time you had an alcoholic drink? Last Tuesday.
33. What songs do you sing in the shower? Songs of Dan Hill, Shamrock or whatever it is na tumutugtog sa radio habang nagsa-shower ako.
34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child? Manananggal.
35. What's in your pockets right now? Wala...oh, handkerchief pala...na pink (haha).
36. Last thing that made you laugh? Seeing my nephew dance this morning...
37. Best bed sheets you had as a child? Wala akong matandaan...basta paborito ko yung kulambo kasi nakikiskis ko yung paa ko dun...
38. Worst injury you've ever had? Hindi ko alam if injury na matatawag pero when I was a child, nakabasag ako ng salamin ng aparador tapos may bubog na nag-lodge sa tuhod ko. Mga two weeks akong paika-ika dahil dun.
40. How many TVs do you have in your house? Isa lang...at walang nakikialam pag ako ang nanonood!
41. Who is your loudest friend? Si Vicky tsaka si Yen...isama mo na si Wines.
42. Who is your most silent friend? Si Pia tsaka si Jeng.
43. Does someone have a crush on you? Hindi ko alam e.
44. Do you wish on shooting stars? Have yet to see one.
45. What is your favorite book? Lahat ng gawa ni Jeffrey Archer.
46. What is your favorite candy? Basta menthol candy.
47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding? "I Will" by Chris Kirkpatrick.
49. What were you doing at 12 AM this morning? Sleeping soundly.
50. What was the First thing you thought of when you woke up? I'm so tired...pwede bang wag na pumasok?!