The Haunting of Bly Manor

Flora: You said it was a ghost story. It isn't.

Jaime: No?

Flora: It's a love story.

Jaime: (nodding) Same thing really.

Following the success of The Haunting of Hill House, Netflix produced another haunting season which, based on reviews, may have disappointed most fans. There was less scare and more heart. This may have been the reason why people think that the story have become dragging. The last three episodes had me glued to the screen though.

The conversation mentioned above occurred toward the end of the last episode before the big reveal. The story painted a picture of how each person are haunted by their own ghost:

Danielle haunted by her guilt over the death of her childhood friend and fiancé.

Peter haunted by his greed of money and material things which pushed him to covet his boss' properties and steal from him.

Henry haunted by fear of facing his nephew and niece to admit that he was almost the cause of destroying their family.

Owen haunted by his dreams of becoming a chef but unable to pursue it as he was tied down by his sick mother.

Hannah haunted by memories of her runaway husband that she refused to accept that he's never coming back.

Viola haunted by grief and utmost rage so powerful that it caused the death innocent people.

Each person have their own ghosts. It could be an ugly past, an unfulfilled dream, the inability to accept what was or pure blind wrath. And it is up to us when we can be freed from these ghosts. These ghosts will continue to haunt or even taunt you. Only when you start to accept the past and forgive yourself and the people who hurt you, will you be able to free yourself from them.

To Kuya Noks

I learned the shocking news of your passing early yesterday thru the FB Messenger Group Chat of former CCFI Youth members. It shocked me. Through the years, since we lost contact, I never really imagined that you will go the way you did. Although I am all too aware of health issues even from 20 years ago. 

I guess I have forgotten that you, along with me and all other human beings in the planet, have grown old. I'm sorry if we lost touch. I searched for your Conversation in FB Messenger and I was painfully reminded how many times you tried to reach out to me. I apologize if I haven't even tried to reply. I guess I'm too busy to do so...or maybe I just don't want to. Or maybe I'm ashamed because I may have thought that you will condemn me for the life I chose to live. I never even gave you a chance and for that I am truly sorry. 

 I remember your generosity and your kindness. I remember you always had the time to listen, to give advice. I remember your leadership. Most of all, I remember you being a true big brother to me and for that I am thankful. My thoughts are with your family today. 

To be honest, I never thought you'd marry. I knew you were praying for someone to share your life with but I also know that you don't mind being single. You were always quick to point out that singlehood is a blessing. You just don't know how happy I was for you when I saw you post a photo of your wedding day. How I smiled when I learned that you were blessed with child. Sadly, I didn't even bother to comment and say my congratulations. I should have let you know that I am celebrating your happiness with you. 

 And now, you're gone. There's no chance for me to even say how thankful, how happy or even how sorry I was for not getting in touch. I now realize my mistake and I think that no matter how far I was from the Christian spectrum, you would have understood. Afterall, you're my big brother and you never failed to understand anything.

You lived a good life, Kuya Noks. You have fought a good fight. You have kept the faith. 

There are so many things that that I regret and if I could turn back time, I would not have resisted your attempts to revive our relationship. I'm sorry if you became one of the victims of my "forgetting the old life" phase. I know better now and moving forward, I know what I should do.

Thank you and God speed.

Should I Come Back to Blogging?

It's been 10 years na pala? How time flies. Now I really, truly believe that whatever you put out in the internet stays there forever. Imagine this blog? It's been a while since I last updated it. Although I've never stopped using the gmail associated with it, never would have thought that I'd still find whatever it was that I've written from 10-12 years past. Time definitely changes you. I browsed randomly thru the articles I wrote and I realized how pathetic I was back then. The articles are full of musings of a person longing (or looking) for something that may never be there anymore. So what now? I'm working from home (like everyone else who can) since mid-March. Manila is still under community quaratine although authorities are easing it up. President Duterte declared that the country is under State of Calamity until September 2021. I'm somehow glad that Covid-19 happened this year and not 10 years ago. Can you imagine the impact it would have made in the economy if it did? Some people are complaining about the lack of socialization which is funny because when people get-together these days, most of the time, they just stare at their phones. Technology has made it harder for us to really interact with each other. Everyone's hiding behind their computer screens, creating a persona which is totally different from their actual ones. It's getting harder to identify who's real and who's fake. So the question remains: should I return to blogging? I don't know. Perhaps yes. Maybe.

Pang-apat

there is hope! got this news from abs-cbnnews.com :

Argentina first in Latin America to legalize gay marriage

BUENOS AIRES, Argentina - Argentina on Thursday became the first country in Latin America to legalize same-sex marriage, following a landmark Senate vote carried live on national television.

Pangatlo

Almost forgot our monthsary...so looking forward to our Palawan trip this weekend...


Together by Neyo

Since the day that we met girl
I've never had anyone make me feel this way
And my heart is sure it wants to be with you
Want to give you the whole world... ohh
If you make the promise to me, I'm gonna stay
Without you guiding me, I'm lost and so confused

What will it take to show you I'll be by your side
Cause I got you and I want to give you what you never had
Girl everyday I hope to make you part of my life
Cause you know me and I know you
Girl your love is where it's at... ohhh

I'm gonna be the love that's gonna last
And be the one that got your back
Ain't nothing never that bad that we would be together
And though we both made our mistakes
And some we never wish we made
But we'll be okay if we just stay together

Oooh... I know he left you stranded
And you paid the price when you messed up your life
Girl I know you're so afraid but I can't write the wrongs he did
I know you saw the lipstick on my window
And wonder how many chicks been to my home
I done my share of playing games
But for you I given up that life

What will it take to show you I'll be by your side
Girl I got you and I want to give you what you never had
Girl everyday I hope to make you part of my life
Cause you know me and I know you
Girl your love is where it's at... ohhh

I'm gonna be the love that's gonna last
And be the one that got your back
Ain't nothing never that bad that we would be together
And though we both made our mistakes
And some we never wish we made
But we'll be okay if we just stay together

Baby you're the one I'm waiting for
Because you give me what I need and more
Cause it's clear that we are meant to be
Together... together... we should be together
Eternally... Ooohh
And I'm gonna be...

Pangalawa

once again, i was painfully reminded how unfit i was. during a recent trip to Sagada, Montain Province, we've lined up a couple of activities that, well, tested our endurance in terms of walking and balancing (ikaw na maglakad sa gilid ng bundok!)



the first activity is more of trekking up and down the mountain side. we've explored echo valley and checked out the hanging coffins then proceeded to the underground river...the locals (they call themselves kankanay) say that all three location are the closest to each other. but one has to walk a total of 3-4 kilometers in order to get to each of them. many times, during the trek, i wondered how i could go up or come down as most of it are steep mountain areas. before the end of 5-hour walk, most of us can hardly put one foot in front of the other. it was sooooooooooo tiresome!







the following day, we went caving! the mountain province boasts a lot of caves and mountainous areas which one can explore if one has lots of time and more money (you'll have to pay the services of a guide to take you to whatever place you want to go to). anyway, there are two choices for caving in sagada, the first is the normal caving (1K/10 persons) and the second is what the locals call the cave connection (1500/10 persons). having limited budget (there's nine of us in the group), we opted for the cheaper version which will take us to the sumaguing cave.

we woke up at 4am (despite each of us complaining on body ache) as we agreed to meet up with our guide at 5am. we got caught on the usual delays as the guides had to lit up their petromax which we will use to light our way inside the cave. once inside, i didn't realize that all we would need to do is to go down, down, down on a variety of rock formations without the aid of any harness of safety gear. we even had to get past the bats nesting ground which smells of a combination of bat urine and feces. but it's all well worth it once you get inside the cave. the rock formation which took nature hundreds of years to create is truly beautiful and mind-blowing...



my only regret is that we weren't able to attend the traditional kankanay wedding. our guide invited us to come but we were too tired to even drink the alcoholic beverages we brought much more to attend a wedding, however traditional that is.

lastly, when you get to sagada, try their halo-halo. it's the only halo-halo i've tasted that includes an elbow macaroni on its ingredients list. it also includes cubed pieces of watermelon and cantaloupe...more like a fruit salad with crushed ice...but it's a must-try though...hehehe...

Una

There's no denying it...he is definitely up there with the best big men in the NBA...

Tenth

Back from the grave!

One comment: 30 decades, but still for me, the easiest way to confront people is to avoid them (i.e. DEDMAHANG MALUPIT!).

Ninth

Mahirap pala pag inuunahan mo ng takot ang kung anumang posibleng mangyari. Kasi magiging alipin ka ng pangamba at maaaring magbunga ng kalungkutan sa parte mo ang isang bagay kahit hindi pa ito nagaganap.

Ang gamot: Hayaan mong alalahanin ng bukas ang sarili nya. Wag mo syang isipin kasi hindi pa naman sya dumarating. Isipin mo yung ngayon.

Mahirap din pala ang madalas o regular na pagtulong. Kasi pag lagi mo ng ginagawa, maaaring dumating sa punto na iisipin ng tinutulungan mo na obligasyon mo na sila. Kung kaya naman, sa halip na magsimula o matuto silang tumuntong sa sarili nilang paa, nagiging dependent na sila sayo.

Ang gamot: Wag mong hayaan na maging dependent sayo ang iba. Paminsan-minsan, hayaan mo sila sa sarili nila.

Eighth

Rest in peace, Mrs. Aquino...

Seventh

Mafia Wars addict...

A funny story...

Me: Hi, this is Sam from Dell, I'm calling to let you know that your credit was already processed and I sent you the credit memo as proof of the said transaction.

Mr. Customer: Oh, thank you. Thank you so much for staying on top of me...

Huh? Ano daw?

The Sixth

Am I really here in your arms
Its just like I dreamed it would be
I feel like we’re frozen in time
And you’re the only one I can see

Hey, I’ve looked all my life for you
And now you’re here
Hey, I’ve spent all my life with you
All my life

And I never really knew how to love
I just hoped somehow I’d see
Asked for a little help from above
Send that angel down to me

Hey, I’ve looked all my life for you
And now you’re here
Hey, I’ve spent all my life with you
All my life

I never thought that I could feel a love so tender
I never thought I could let those feelings show
But now my heart is on my sleeve
And this love will never leave
I know
I know

The Fifth

"habang bata pa kayo, mag-anak na kayo"...

that's what her mother told me last week while we were having breakfast. lhen was already asleep at the time. she arrives home before me as her office is just 15 minutes away. muntik na akong mabilaukan. i glanced at her mother to see if she's joking. she's looking away but i didn't see any hint of smile on her lips. and it wasn't the first time that she mentioned it. and even if she's joking, i firmly believe that jokes are half-meant.

i understand that her mom is worried. lhen, being the yougest of two children, her mom (whom i fondly call "nanay") thinks that she'd grow old without anyone to take care of her. oh sure, she has a niece (her brother married, two years ago), but her mom thinks that it isn't enough. she hopes that we'd have a family of our own (complete with children) soon.

and i have nothing against it. i always said that i wanted to have children, at least one. but lhen wants three. now that the moment is here, i can't help but be anxious. of course, there are lots of things that has to be placed into consideration. first off, who will be gracious enough to provide sperm or father a child for a lesbian couple? i prefer artificial insemination but lhen wants it the natural way. we both have plenty of gay guy friends but i've asked around enough to be turned down often. i just don't know if the same goes with her. second, i don't think i'm prepared on the responsibility of taking care of another person full-time. although i have a total of 6 nephews and nieces, i have never baby sat to any of them for more than 30 minutes at the time. and although i love yuki to distraction, i don't want anything that has to do with him when he throws tantrum or begin crying. simply put, i'm not patient enough around children.

i'll be 30 come november. and the last time lhen and i talked about this, we want to invest two years in our relationship before starting a family. not bad, i think. i just hope her mom, won't rush to it.

The Fourth

"because i don't get jealous! i can't get jealous! i never get jealous!...ngayon lang..."

- Miggy Montenegro played by john lloyd cruz in You Changed My Life

So you think i no longer watch those mushy Pinoy movies? think again...sarah G rocks!

The Third

very funny story though i don't know if it's true.

The Second

hidden meaning of my real name?!? oh, c'mon!

You Are Seductive and Ruthless

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong. You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know. You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do. You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out. Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia. Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in. You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising. You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care. You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow. You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily. Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

The First

first post for 2009.

more busy than ever. getting too many calls and i can't believe how i manage to handle most of the cases i have right now. some are so complicated that i've been working on them for over 30 days. but i guess, i can manage it fairly well. the others have more cases than i.

they say that lovelife and career can't get along well. meaning if you're doing well on one, the other will suffer. if the other one is running smoothly, the other would be rocky. they say that happiness is just a state of mind. perhaps they are right. but if it's true, it just means that i never really had it this good.

we're going out of town today. just waiting for her to pick me up from the office. our very first. i thought my leave on monday won't get approved. however, i got an email stating that it was granted. hehe. it's hard to keep myself from missing her everyday when we only get to see each other on weekends. but i know she won't ask me to switch jobs just so we can be together. having a budding relationship is not at all simple. but then it's nice to discover new things about the person everyday.

finally, one final message that i got thru text a few days ago:

you really don't know what love is until you get to a point when you're ready to trade ten years of your life for a single kiss; all your wealth for a single touch; or when you're ready to leave someone you've been with for the last decade for a total stranger. love isn't about the time you spent with someone or the challenges you've gone thru together. it's about that rush of butterflies in your stomach or that single heartbeat which says, "i'd rather have a day with this person than spend an eternity with someone else..."

my say? you will never really understand something unless you are faced with the same type of situation.

Christmas '08

i already mentioned at PEx that i have a lot to be thankful for this year. i guess i have to add your name on my list...Mark Twain said that joy had to be shared for it to be complete. on the other hand, i think this is one joy i'd like to keep to myself... ;)

May everyone have a JOYful Christmas!

The Best Of Me

So many years gone, still I remember
How did I ever let my heart believe
in one who never gave enough to me
And so many years gone,love that was so wrong
I can't forget the way it used to be
and how you changed the taste of love for me

You were my one more chance
I never thought I'd find
you were the one romance
I've always known in my mind
No one will ever touch me more
and I only hope that in return
I might have saved the best of me for you

And we'll have no ending if we can hold on
and I think I've come this far because of you
could be no other love but ours will do

You were my one more chance
I never thought I'd find
you were the one romance
I've always known in my mind
No one will ever touch me more
and I only hope that in return
I might have saved the best of me for you

No one will ever touch me more
and I only hope that in return
No matter how much we have to learn
I saved the best of me for you



now i know why...

Home Coming

i've returned home after four years of being away.
the family have grown although i still have seven siblings.
a brother-in-law has been added aside from my sister-in-law.
i now have two nephews and four nieces.
ma and pa are still there.

and i suffered an injury during general cleaning.
talk about having yourself taken to the ER just to get a tetanus toxoid.
...or just plain stupidity on my part.

so what are my plans for christmas? away from home, of course! ;)