Goal!

Had our third weekly assessment today. Nangamote ako sa pagsagot ng mga questions but I think I did well.

Most people by this time would be making their New Year's Resolution so I have made mine as well. Actually, it's not a New Year's Resolution. More of New Goals for the New Year and I intend to do eveything in my power para matupad ang lahat ng nasa listahan:

• Never, never learn how to smoke even if most of my officemates offer cigarette and are convincing me to try smoking.
• Get promoted within six months (getting promoted in lesser time is better).
• Never make life complicated by having a relationship with an officemate.
• Maintain my waistline at 27" (28" max).

By next New Year (looking forward agad, hehe), I'll be setting another goal for myself.

At the moment, what I look for is building new friendships and renewing old ties. I'm trying to build bridges with all my school chums and chilhood peers. Although, I'm not planning to have a relationship in the near future, my officemates has been teasing me to this certain girl who bore a slight resemblance to Barbie Almalbis (honestly, I find her cute). However, should I pursue the girl, not only would I be breaking my third goal but I would also become a direct rival of one of my peers (a guy who admitted having a crush on the same girl). In the meantime, I want to forget about the girl and focus on my work. Kakaririn ko na 'to!

What's With The Hair?

Just trying to compare my old hairstyle tsaka yung ngayon. Last week, I've decided to change my hairdo. I know it isn't much pero lots of people are telling me that I look better daw ngayon kesa dun sa dati. Hehe. What they don't know is that I've sported this hairstyle before nung nasa Grade 3 ako. Buti uso ang styling wax ngayon kasi dati mukha akong natipus. Ang problema, nagiging vain ako sa hairdo na ito. Nakakailang minuto ako sa salamin sa pag-aayos lang at kelangan I have a pocket mirror ready para makita ko if there's a hair out of place. Hay! The price of looking good...

CSR

So after over a week ng training as CSR, I've somehow come to understand kung ano ba talaga ang nangyayari sa mga taong ito. Hirap din mag-training kasi parang nag-aaral ka ulet, lalo na yung account na hahawakan ko eh wala naman talagang kinalaman sa course ko. Tsk!

Surprisingly, though, I'm starting to fall in love with the job and I plan to make a career out of it (that is, after I've mastered the application and all those things needed to make my job easier). I'm just thankful cause we have a trainer na masyadong matyaga magturo. As in, hindi napapagod mag-explain ng mag-explain at mag-ulit ng lessons namin.

As for my co-trainees, super mababait lahat sila! Hmn, dalawang classes kami na sabay nagti-train ngayon although naunang na-hire yung isang batch samen ng two weeks. Pero enjoy ako sa mga batchmates ko kasi karamihan samen mga musically inclined. Meron pa talagang tumutugtog sa banda (and you begin to wonder what they were doing working in a call center eh mga talented naman!)...Yung seatmate ko in particular is a girl drummer! Gosh! I always thought that girl drummers are hot and I told her so. Sabi nya, "so you think I'm hot?" I said, "yeah!" Sabay taas ng kamay at sabi "girl dummers rule!" Hehe. Dyahe lang kasi mahilig sila mag-videoke after ng lunchbreak at ngayon ko lang nakakahiyaan ang kumanta (o talagang ayaw ko ng kumanta?) kasi ba naman astig yung mga boses ng mga dyaskeng yun!

Next week will be a different schedule for us kasi we will be on the night towards the end of the week. Kelangan masanay na akong matulog during daytime para hindi ako aantok-antok sa gabi...May bali-balita na malaki daw ang site namin na pinapagawa sa Cubao complete with recreational facilities and plano daw gawan ng rooftop swimming pool! If this is true, plano ko i-maximize yung recreational facility para may iba akong pagka-abalahan bukod sa pag-inom ng alak. Hehe.

Thanks, Cousin...

So after ng masalimuot na weekend ko, I've learned na marami na pala talaga ako'ng friends! Hehe! Received plenty of text messages from people na hindi ko talaga ini-expect na magiging concern saken...Well, sa office kasi I'm considered "one of the boys" and nagiging ka-berks ko yung mga makukulit na guys dun. Imagine yung mga pa-macho na yun na nagti-text saken, asking me how I was. Somehow, nakaka-touch rin at nakakapag-pangiti saken.

Nag-out na rin ako sa cousin ko nung Saturday! Hehe! Ganito naging takbo ng conversation namin habang nasa cab kami (he on his way to Rockwell Tent and me going to Cubao)...

him: Ate, sino'ng kausap mo? Parang may kaaway ka, ah!
me: Wala.
him: Okay lang kung ayaw mo sabihin.
me: (after several minutes of silence) If I tell you, I would have to tell you everything...
him: If you can't tell me, then don't...
me: (hesitated a moment) Cuz, do you have any idea what I am?
him: Ate, I've in the call center industry for several years now. I see lots of different kinds of people and I understand them...I'm not judgmental so it's okay.
me: Okay, good... And do you have any idea that I had a g2g relationship before?
him: I 've heard rumors but I don't listen to them unless it came from straight from the horse's mouth...
me: Okay...

So I told him everything. Made me feel good. Even cried on his shoulder. Later that night, I received a text message from him which I really took to heart:

Sometimes, things don't work out the way you want them to no matter how
hard you've tried. Life is like the sea and you are the fisherman. Even the best
fisherman using the best bait can't catch a fish if the fish simply refuse to
bite. In other words, if it's not for you, then it's not for you. Don't force it
all up. Sometimes, you just have to let destiny take its course and accept the
sordid fact that, in life, some things are just not meant to be...But keep
sailing. The best is yet to come...

Naalala ko tuloy yung prayer na nabasa ko from an unknown author. I always remember it if things does not happen the way I want it. It says: "If you choose, O Lord, not to will my desires, it is only because You are teaching me to long for something better...You have never given me second-best..."

Messages

Just a few text messages I received today and my side comments:

I learned how to love without expecting anything in return. For a while, it
felt good but soon enough, I had to stop. Why? Because the more I love the
person, the more I lose myself. And the saddest part of it all is finding myself
again, when I already know that I can no longer feel "whole" because a part of
me went astray with the very person I love and have to forget...

I think the sad part is not finding yourself but losing yourself and in the process you lose your heart as well. And after a while, you begin to wonder whether you'll still be capable of loving another person again not because you lose trust in people but because your heart is still somewhere else...

Somebody once asked me, "how do you hold on to love?" I answered, "with
your hands wide open, your palms facing upward, your heart ready to let go and
let the other grow." And that somebody asked, "what if it hurts you?" I smiled
wistfully and said, "then it means you're doing it right".

Unconditional love?

Here's a sweet truth: someday, someone will walk into your life and make
you realize why it never worked out with anyone else...

*raised eyebrow* not at the moment, I guess.

Panalo itong text message na ito:

Alam mo naman kung ano'ng dapat mong gawin pero ayaw mo lang kasi natatakot
ka...di kaya?

*sigh*

A Letter

So you think this is such a bad year? Why? Coz you cried a lot? Coz you felt trapped, alone, lonely? Yes, you may be alone at the moment but you're definitely not lonely!

You hurt someone? You hurt her so bad that she had to get out of your life so she could forget you...but, hey, be thankful that you had the courage to admit the truth than to go on with the charade. A lot of people didn't have half the courage you had.

You did lost a lot this year but never think of them as losses. People are meant to be mobile. So don't be surprised if there are some who walk in and out of your life. Just be thankful you met them.

You might be thinking of someone at the moment. You might be confused with your feelings. You might get irritable of other people because of this confusion. You might solicit advice from other people whom you think could help you. But you know what? When the time comes for you to decide what to do about what you feel, it will be your decision and that will be final. Once you've made that decision, not even the president could mandate you to change it. Just follow your heart.

Life isn't fair and nothing is permanent. Learn to treat each person like a fragile glass. Hold them steadfastly but don't cling to them too tightly. Treasure each moment as if it were your last. Then, perhaps you'll be able to enjoy life and live it like the way you used to.

Lessons from "Happy Feet"

1. Never compromise your true self just because other people want you to. Remember what makes you different is what makes you unique.
2. Stop trying to go with what the society dictates you to do. If you continue to change yourself just to make other people happy, you will never find true happiness and you will never find yourself.
3. Sometimes, you must first find yourself before you find love.
4. Follow your heart. It will never lead you astray.

Favorite Line: " I know size can be daunting but don't be afraid...I love you."

_____________

Let me just share a text message I received this morning which somehow made me feel good about myself:

I really appreciate yung pakikinig mo sa mga problema ko. You're such a nice
person. Your friends are lucky for having someone like you. Just want you to
know kung may problema ka, I'm a good listener too...Kung busy mga friends mo,
andito lang ako. Had a nice time chatting; ay whining pala. Sensya ka na talaga.
Dyahe pero alam mo, luwag sa dibdib na na-release ko lahat ng mga naiisip ko.
Sensya ka na nga lang talaga, sayo ko pa nabuhos lahat. Ingat lage...

Well, it just feels good that I helped someone thru her troubles. Hope I'd be given another opportunity like that in the future.

I once told a friend that my being emotional and sentimental is my primary weakness. The same friend told me that those same qualities are also my strenghts. She said that it is the reason why I have so many friends...I hope so.

I'm Coming Out

Well, it's not exactly my idea of coming out. I woke up very early on Sunday morning and despite my effort to go back to sleep, hindi ko magawa. So, I decided to get up from bed. My father was already up as I heard Matt Monro crooning on the radio. I went to the kitchen and fixed myself a cup of coffee. Then, I joined my father on the sofa. We sat there on companionable silence for sometime. Something was really going on thru my mind and I guess, I just needed to blurt it out. So we had a brief conversation, really brief....

Me: Pa...?
Him: Ano? Mag-aasawa ka na?
Me: No. Inlove pa lang...
Him: (patted me at the back and ginulo ang buhok ko) it's okay...that's okay.
Me: But what if...
Him: What?
Me: What if I've fallen inlove with another girl?
Him: (stared at me incredelously) No. You know that can't be. It's against everything we believe in.

After that, he went silent. Lost in thought. Then, he stood up and left me.

All day yesterday, I waited for my mother to confront me (my father never hides anything from her). But nobody asked me about what took place that morning. I guess, my father has opted to forget about it. I don't know. I don't want to assume and I don't want to think about it.

I like Philippine Idol's episode last night. It was cute (imagine Pow Chavez wearing a dress on national television!). Hehe! Natawa talaga ako nung nakita ko syang naka-bestida at polka dots pa ha?! Anyway, Lea Salonga was there as the guest judge and I think she made a fine job of it. Very insightful yung comments nya although pansin ko, medyo partial sya kay Gian (she mentioned that she knew him). I just hope Pow won't get voted out yet. Marami na syang fans and even Lea liked her. I like her, too! I think she's the epitome of what lesbians and gays are trying to achieve (kaya siguro maraming bumoboto). Yung acceptance and recognition ng society. Sana maka-abot sya kahit sa Top Three lang...

Abnormal

I found this sa email ko today. Sent by my favorite cousin (thank you, Sol!) Really cheered me up.

Got really drunk last night with Pia and Yen. Imagine, the three of us having two shots of tequila each and drinking Colt 45? Ako hindi ko ma-imagine e. I remember though telling them that I'm not used to Asia Brewery products at talagang nasisira ang tyan ko dun (San Miguel lang kinakaya ng tyan ko, bro!). Nevertheless, yun pa rin ang in-order nila at isang bucket pa! As if naman they gave me an option? So ako'ng si engot e walang choice kundi inumin ang kung anumang nakahain (kahit alam ko na magpo-protesta ang tyan ko later on). They never allowed me to start drinking without having to eat first, though. Talagang pinagpilitan ni Yen na kumain muna ako. Siguro dahil sa sobrang pagod kaya nakaka-isang bote pa lang ako, hilo na ako agad. To top it off, nag-order nga si Pia ng tequila! Kaya ako'ng si engot, hindi ko na mahanap ang papuntang comfort room kagabi at ang tingin ko sa mga kumakanta e magaganda lahat! At itong si Pia e hindi pa nasiyahan, hinatak ako sa dance floor and inaya akong sumayaw! Hindi ko rin alam pero ang feeling ko, anglambot ng katawan ko kagabi. Hehe! I really did danced last night! Hindi ko pa ginawa yun sa tanang buhay ko! Pero kagabi, anglakas ng loob ko e. Feeling ko wala akong hiya.

Funny though, pero hindi naman nasira ang tyan ko. I was half-expecting that I'll wake up ng madaling-araw sa kumukulong tyan pero hindi (ala-una na ako nakauwi). I did wake up ng madaling-araw and wala man lang akong trace ng hang-over...Hmn, effective ata yung sinabi ni Bigfoot na uminom ng maraming tubig bago matulog. Hehe. At least, na-discover ko that my stomach could tolerate Asia Brewery products at...contrary to my belief, marunong pala akong sumayaw (sana lang hindi kinunan ni Yen yung pagsayaw ko at talagang nakakahiya yun)!

I also watched Pacquiao-Morales bout kanina. Grabeeeehhh ang ABS-CBN! Andaming commercials! Anyway, napahiyaw ako nung natapon sa lona si Morales (napapalingon tuloy si Kenji saken at siguro nahihiwagaan sya dahil parang baliw na sumisigaw ang tita nya). Hehe! Congrats, Manny! Although, I admit that I'm not really a Pacquaio fan (feeling ko kasi masyado na syang commercialized e) but when he knocked down Morales 20 seconds before the end of the third round, made me proud I'm a Filipino. ;)

Rhymes & Quotes

Whatever is pure,
Whatever is true,
Whatever is cautious,
Whatever is sensible;
I forgot all of it
since I met you...

I love you, not with the innocence and reckless passion of first love but with gentle understanding and patience of a mature person.



The message below is not actually a quote. But it was intended for me and I really appreciate it...

alam mo, magsisisi ka lang naman kung ieexpect mo na tatanggapin nya yung
sinabi mo eh. just be sure na pag sinabi mo yun, yung approach mo di sya
maiilang sayo. tignan mo kami nung pinagconfess-an ko, rejected nga ako pero
parang wala lang.

The New Year

Hah! Finally, I'm back! I miss going in here and posting my thoughts. Hehe. The truth of the matter is, hindi ako makapag-post sa office kasi naka-block ang site na ito kaya kahit gustong-gusto ko mag-update for the past week, hindi ko magawa.

Yesterday? Birthday ko. Nothing fancy there. Just had dinner with my friends. Honestly, I didn't enjoy it as much as I would like to. Partly because my heart wasn't really in it. Well, don't get me wrong. I enjoy spending time with my friends but last night? Parang tinamad akong hindi ko maintindihan. I guess, it must have shown kasi nagyaya silang umuwi ng maaga. Hindi ko na rin pinigilan so they dropped me off sa bahay. At itong si Pia? HIndi ko alam na meron din palang sense of humor itong bestfriend kong ito...She handed me a Coke in can after I got off from the car and said, "regalo ko sayo, tol..." I got the message and laughed hard for the first time that evening.

Kahapon din, last day ko sa work. Funny how people could be so kind to you when they know you're about to leave plus pinagkakalat pa ni Wines na birthday ko so they were doubly kind to me yesterday. I got plenty of hug and pat on the back which I really appreciate (even got a kiss from Ms Lanie! *grin*). I love those people and I love my job there, really. But the company has been thru financial difficulties for the past three months already. Hindi ko rin alam what made me stay when I've been receiving calls na for job interviews from other companies. Siguro dahil I hate venturing into new and unknown territories. And I have the tendency to stay once I got comfortable with something or someone...I still hadn't made that phone call to eTelecare to schedule an interview (I plan to do so later today).

Everything around me has changed starting today. The new year has come early for me. I have to make the most out of it...
_____________________________

Sycamore: As per your request, here is the text message I composed habang nakatunganga sa labas ng parlor a couple of weeks back...

If fate beckoned that I should meet you, I don't particularly care that I met you just now. I'm just glad that we met when we did, not sooner nor later...Any sooner, I wouldn't have noticed. Any later, I wouldn't have paid attention...

There's a continuation to the message, actually. Read on...

And what scares me more is the thought that this may all be a dream...that I would wake up and realize that you weren't real...that the magic might be gone at any moment...

Then, there's another message I composed as soon as I opened my eyes this morning:

Milestone is what we call of every situation and decision which alter our
life...but did you know that it could also be applied to people who touched our
lives with such an impact that it could never be the same again since we met
that person?...In my life, you are one of it's milestones...

Last Song Syndrome

I've always loved this song. Masyadong meaningful yung lyrics at romantic yung pagkakanta ni Selena (I cried when I watched "Selena" with J.Lo on the starring role)...This is the effect of too much listening to sentimental songs...

Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I stay up and think of you
And I wish on a star
That somewhere you are thinking of me too

'Cause I'm dreaming of you tonight
'Til tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Than here in my room dreaming about you and me

Wonder if you ever see me and I wonder if you
Know I'm there (Am I there, Am I)
If you looked in my eyes, would you see what's inside
Would you even care
I just wanna hold you close but so far
All I have are dreams of you
So I wait for the day and the courage to say
How much I love you
Yes I do

I'll be dreaming of you tonight
'Til tomorrow I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Than here in my room dreaming about you and me

(BRIDGE)
Ahh-Ahh (corazon)
I can't stop dreaming
I can't stop dreaming of you
I can't stop dreaming
I can't stop dreaming of you


Kapag pala nakatunganga ka lang e marami kang maiisip gawin...That's what happened to me Saturday night when I waited for a friend na matapos magpa-parlor. Aba, imagine that I waited for almost two hours! Kundi ko lang mahal yun (at kundi lang pinagbilin saken) e nungkang hintayin ko yun! The result? I was able to compose a message pero dahil wala akong mapagsulatan, tinayp ko sa sms. I thought I lost my touch on making those kinds of messages...Hehe (inspired?). Hopefully, makapag-compose uli ako ng poem sometime in the future...

On The Receiving End

• I received a call from a member the other day and she was asking me why she couldn't find our website. Apparently, she's been using the wrong URL, thus, she couldn't get into our homepage. So I gave her the address of our company's new website. Then, she asked her log in ID and password. I gave it to her as well after viewing her profile in my computer. Afterwards, she inquired how she could log on into her Personal Information Website (By this time, it's becoming clear to me that the caller is not used to computers.) So I told her that she just need to type her member ID number and password on the space provided therein but she told me she couldn't find it. I asked her to describe what she see on her monitor and she gave it to me. She insisted that she can't see any space on which she could type her member ID and password. I asked her to scroll down on the page and she gave a hearty laugh then apologized that her secretary is not around to assist her (By this time, I'm becoming exasperated already coz we've been talking for over 20 minutes already and the entire time was spent in instructing her on how to log in!). Good thing the caller is so "malambing" and kept apologizing to me. I somehow felt guilty coz she may have felt my exasperation over the phone. I said it was okay and when I ended the call, I told her to call me back should she have anymore problem. I was thinking, this would be the kind of calls that I'd receive should I transfer to eTelecare where I have a pending application. I am currently preparing myself for the change of environment. No wonder, they say that it is so stressing to become a call center agent. Well, pag naka-receive ka ng ganung call, hindi ba stressing naman talaga?!
• I got a birthday card from my lola from the Land Down Under. She's one of the first few people who already greeted me for my birthday. Come to think of it, she always send a birthday card for my birthday every year! Call me old-fashioned but I always find greeting cards and snail mails more sweeter than receiving emails or text messages. Tingin ko kasi mas malaking effort ang binibigay ng sender pag ganun plus its kinda more personal since you will have to literally write your message on it. I will have to remind myself to send a Thank You card for my lola sometime next week. Hehe, gaya kasi sya nung member namin na hindi rin sanay gumamit ng computer *grin*.
• I received a sound advise from my bestfriend last night. Masama daw pakiramdam nya but she asked if we could meet so I could edit her report for their departmental meeting today. After doing that, we talked about our personal lives and she inquired about my lovelife (as if meron). Later, she told me: "Tol, i-suppress mo muna ang feelings mo sa ngayon. Baka kasi masaktan ka sa bandang huli. Sinasabi ko 'to kasi kaibigan kita. Wag ka muna magpakalunod sa nararamdaman mo. Wag ka muna pumunta sa five feet (comparing my feelings to a swimming pool), dun ka muna sa one or two feet. Magtampisaw ka muna dun. Baka malunod ka sa malalim at mahirapan ka na makaahon. Ikaw din..."

50 Questions....

My first post for my birthday month...Haha! Don't know who made the questions...whoever he/she is, ang masasabi ko lang...hindi sya marunong magbilang!!!

1. How tall are you barefoot? "how tall" or "how short"???
2. Have you ever smoked weed? Nope! Yosi nga hindi ko kaya...weed pa?
3. Do you own a gun? No, what for?
4. Who's your best friend? Pia.
5. Do you get nervous before "meeting the parents"? Yeah...but i get comfortable, eventually.
6. What do you think of hot dogs? Hindi ba dating pinoy band yan?
7. What's your favorite Christmas song? "Perfect Christmas" by Jose Mari Chan.
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Coffee!
9. Can you do push ups? Yeah, pero mabilis ako mapagod.
10. Is your bathroom clean? Naman!
11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? Just a ring. Pinaka-paborito ko yung puzzle ring which I bought from Baguio.
13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite/SAME sex? Ewan. may secret weapon ba sa ganyan?
14. Do you own a knife? Nope. although, i must admit, I am fascinated with it.
15. Do you have A.D.D.?
16. Middle Name? Mataganas
17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment? (a) buti walang calls (b) may nagyayaya na naman ng inuman mamaya, sasama ba ako? (3) musta na kaya si kras?
18. Name the last 3 things you have bought: (a) dinner kagabi (b) fruits (c) FHM mag.
19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? (a) coffee (b) water (c) iced tea
20. What time did you wake up today? Around 0555H
22. Current worry? Entrance exam nung kapatid ko sa university.
23. Current hate? Wala e...
24. Favorite place to be? Bedroom lang.
25. Least favorite place to be? Wala e...
26. Where would you like to go? Sa Palawan!
27. Do you own slippers? No, i use my favorite sandals when I'm at home.
28. What shirt are you wearing? Navy blue collared shirt.
29. Do you burn or tan? Morena ako e so wala ng susunugin sa balat ko.
30. Favorite color(s)? Blue! Any shade of blue!
31. Would you be a pirate? Why not?
32. Last time you had an alcoholic drink? Last Tuesday.
33. What songs do you sing in the shower? Songs of Dan Hill, Shamrock or whatever it is na tumutugtog sa radio habang nagsa-shower ako.
34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child? Manananggal.
35. What's in your pockets right now? Wala...oh, handkerchief pala...na pink (haha).
36. Last thing that made you laugh? Seeing my nephew dance this morning...
37. Best bed sheets you had as a child? Wala akong matandaan...basta paborito ko yung kulambo kasi nakikiskis ko yung paa ko dun...
38. Worst injury you've ever had? Hindi ko alam if injury na matatawag pero when I was a child, nakabasag ako ng salamin ng aparador tapos may bubog na nag-lodge sa tuhod ko. Mga two weeks akong paika-ika dahil dun.
40. How many TVs do you have in your house? Isa lang...at walang nakikialam pag ako ang nanonood!
41. Who is your loudest friend? Si Vicky tsaka si Yen...isama mo na si Wines.
42. Who is your most silent friend? Si Pia tsaka si Jeng.
43. Does someone have a crush on you? Hindi ko alam e.
44. Do you wish on shooting stars? Have yet to see one.
45. What is your favorite book? Lahat ng gawa ni Jeffrey Archer.
46. What is your favorite candy? Basta menthol candy.
47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding? "I Will" by Chris Kirkpatrick.
49. What were you doing at 12 AM this morning? Sleeping soundly.
50. What was the First thing you thought of when you woke up? I'm so tired...pwede bang wag na pumasok?!

Dito Ako Lasing Talaga

Last Friday, night out ako with my officemates sa Agogo Cafe sa Ortigas. Tsk! I learned na hindi ko pala kayang uminom ng marami nang hindi kumakain...Hay!

Decisions

The message below is the effect of too much Sunday morning melancholy:

I have decided not to supress my feelings for you anymore. Why? Coz nothing happens! No matter what I do, I can feel it growing inside me like seedling planted during spring season. So I'll just go with the flow and let it take me wherever it will bring me.

I no longer care even if I do not know what the future will bring to us. It doesn't concern me the least even if I know that there is a big possibility that I'll get hurt. It doesn't matter even if everything is such a blur at the moment.

What's important is today. What matters is I can feel that you need me somehow. What matters is YOU....not me or how I feel for you.

I don't care what other's will say. I don't care whether my feelings is unreturned. For now, let me just love you in my own quiet way...

Changes

I wish I knew how to quit you... - Brokeback Mountain

Nice line from a movie. I always remember that one.

You try to get someone at the back of your mind but the harder you try, the more you thought of that person. You try to ignore the feeling. You make it sound as if it was that person's fault but then you soon find out that it wasn't really her fault, afterall. It's just your heart, letting itself fall.

This girl has changed you and you don't even know it... - A Walk To Remember

This one is the line commonly used by your friends to let you know that you have let someone walk into your life and change you as a person. Of course, you wouldn't realize the change until someone from the outside looking in would bang the information into your hard head.



I love The Family Guy!

My favorite basketball club, the San Antonio Spurs, were predicted to win the 2007 NBA crown by a majority of GM's in the NBA. They missed the chance of making back-to-back championship last season and I do hope they'd make it this time (and the next season, as well). I wish TD, TP and Ginobili would be healthy this season.

Photographs and Memories

I received a text message from Jane last Monday telling me that she'll be leaving for Bicol at the end of this month. Prior to that, I received a text message from Vicky telling me that she has a problem (again) with Ferry. I find it surprising that such a budding romance would begin encountering problems that only old relationsips have. I agreed to meet up with them at SM Megamall (along with Pia and Yen) so that we could talk things over although I had planned to watch "The Departed" prior to receiving their messages.
Yen was the first to arrive at the meeting place. She had colds and kept on coughing while we waited for the others to arrive. She said she wanted to rest early but she can't miss the opportunity of seeing Jane again (kung mag-utol kami ni Pia, sila ni Jane e "sisters"). We chatted about various topics while we waited for the others. Then, she mentioned about Jane's imminent departure for Bicol. I told her that I already knew about it. She said, "alam mo, swerte ka na kay Jane kaya lang ganun talaga e". I simply smiled at her comment and didn't reply.
Jane arrived a little after 8PM. I must admit that she looked more radiant now and I told her so. She was wearing a pair of dangling earrings and Yen teased her about it. She didn't look like the person who figured in a car accident a couple of weeks ago. She sat beside me and she seemed uncomfortable coz I kept glancing at her. I teased her about her suitors and asked how her work was doing. Yen, ever discreet, just smiled at our playfulness and said "nao-OP na ako".
After a while, Vicky arrived along with Irish. We had dinner and I made "kantyaw" to Vicky about Ferry. She seemed not at all that affected although the text message she sent me earlier belied her true feelings. I didn't know how she fell inlove with Ferry at such a short time. But then I begin to understand that love has different effect (or should I say, cause) in various types of people. In Vicky's case, she fell inlove with Ferry at the time when she was groping for a life-saver...someone who would lift her up from the dark pit that she was into at the time. Or maybe she found Ferry at the right time and place. As for me...
After dinner, we went to a videoke house and Vicky began drinking (and smoking) herself to death. I told them I won't be drinking anything but as the night wore off, I drank my first bottle. The highlight of the night was when Jane sang "Farewell". She didn't even get to finish the chorus as she began to choke. She threw the mic to her cousin and wiped her tears. Vicky immediately hugged her (she was sitting between me and Vicky) while I handed her my handkerchief. We all knew she was having second-thoughts of going to Bicol for her PNP Training. As for me, I have always encouraged her to pursue it. She was sitting beside me but I didn't know how to comfort her. How would you comfort a person whom you had a previous realtionship without sending her the wrong signal? I hugged her later on and to cheer her up, I sang some songs that I knew she loved. The others teased us but we just smiled amidst all that. Jane is afterall a friend before we became intimate. I didn't know what to feel when I noticed that she still wore the silver ring I gave her (I'm still wearing the bracelet she gave me, anyway).
When Ferry arrived, we went for a joyride. I must have been too tired by then (it was afterall around 2 or 3 in the morning already), that I fell asleep at the passenger's seat with Jane's head resting on my shoulder. Pia said, she drove us out to Tagaytay but didn't wake us up anymore when she saw that we were all asleep.
We promised to meet again before Jane leaves for Bicol but I doubt if that will happen. The others would be busy by then. Jane asked if I would like to continue renting her room if she leaves. I haven't given her an answer yet.
To say that I won't miss her is absurd. Of course, I will. It's a different matter when she finally leaves for Bicol coz it would be a long time until I'd finally be able to see her again. I would definitely miss her cooking (she makes the most delicius ginataang hipon, ginataang alimango and ginataang alimasag). She taught me how to cook "sikad-sikad" and how to grill tuna belly. I would miss her appreciative nod whenever she taste my "sinigang na baboy" or the way she intercepts with my cooking (mahirap makipagtalo sa taong marunong magluto). Most of all, I would miss the way she would laugh abandonly whenever I crack a joke (no matter how silly). She will always be a special person in my life and I wish her well.
Here's to salute one of the most wonderful person I ever had the opportunity to meet.

I'm Having An Affair

He (yes, he) was the first person my eyes sought when I got home last night. I found him sitting by the door holding some sort of paper between his hands. He didn't seem to notice me so I decided to approach him. I asked how is he but he appeared to be busy with whatever it was that he's doing. So I looked him straight in the eye but he got irritated and pinched my cheeks with his two hands. Then, as if I disturbed him from such an important task, he pulled my eyeglasses!!!

Well, everyone knows what the consequence is when they accidentally touch my eyeglasses! It's the most untouchable part of my face and he just yanked it off me! His eyes seemed to apologize but I got annoyed with him so I decided not to take my usual kiss whenever I arrive. I went straight to the bedroom and changed my clothes leaving him to ponder about his mistake.

After changing clothes, I went to the living room, turned on the television and waited for Philippine Idol. He had gone to the dining table to have dinner but I didn't follow him. I continued ignoring him for the rest of the night. I don't know if he noticed that I'm annoyed with him but it seemed that he avoided getting near me as much as possible. Everyone was teasing him that I was mad at him but he just ignored them. I didn't even gave him his usual goodnight kiss before tucking myself to sleep.

In the morning, he was the first person I saw on my bed. It's as if he was waiting for me to wake up. He smiled upon seeing me open my eyes. And to my surprise, gave me his usual good morning kiss...and on the lips at that! I was taken aback! As if that wasn't enough, he offered his left cheek for me to kiss and as he did so I felt my heart melt within me. I kissed him and gave him a big bear hug and everything was right again between us after that...

Who is "he"? My 14-month-old nephew, Kenji. My favorite among them all and now you know why...

________________________________________

I've watched the title bout between Oscar Dela Hoya and Ricardo Magorca this afternoon. It wasn't boxing! Dela Hoya made Magorca the laughing stock among their peers...I loved the first round when Magorca flew to the canvass after Dela Hoya gave him a one-two combination...and of course, the sixth round when he can't get his bearings to defend himself and just allowed Dela Hoya to punch him no end. I enjoyed watching that one together with father and two elder brothers. Talk about "male bonding"....Bwehehehe!

Nuninuninu

Ayoko munang makita ka ngayon. Baka makita mo yung nakita
sakin ni kuya...Mahal na nga ba kita?...Hindi kita pwedeng
mahalin...

Eli, Maging Sino Ka Man

Why is it that you would never realize how you really feel about a person until someone else points it out to you?

You try to deny that you care about a person but you can't help talking about her among your peers. You try not to think about her. You try to say to yourself that everything is okay when in fact it isn't...

Then, you begin to question yourself but you don't really want to know the answers coz your afraid of what you might find. Until someone, a friend or a colleague, asks you pointblank:

Friend/Colleague: "Have you really fallen for her?"

You: (Stares at colleague incredulously.) "No. I don't want to fall. Not right now..."

Friend/Colleague: "But you already have..."

Until Then...

I don't know if its too early for me to admit this. Heck, I don't even know if this is the right time to tell you but I figured, what have I got to lose? I'm taking the first step now coz I might not have enough courage later.

I have been nursing this fascination for you since the day I met you. I'm making a big leap and I'm taking the risk because I don't want to continue groping in the dark. I don't want to ask questions and I don't like to search for answers.

Of course, I will still have to wait. I have to step back, reflect and be sure that what I feel is not just plain admiration or simple fascination. Until that time, I hope you'd still be around...

Pinipilit mang pigilin na ika’y aking isipin
Wala na yatang magagawa
Sana’y hindi ipagkait sa akin ang sandali
Na masilayan ka at marinig man lang ang tinig
Laging bukas ang puso ko upang ibigin ka
Laging wagas ang aking pagtingin at aking pag sinta.

Fresh Start

After much self-deliberation, a friend suggested that I change my blog title from "Huge Mistake" to "A New Beginning" (thanks, Jeng for suggesting "Fresh Start"). So this is the last post that I'll do under the Huge Mistake banner (pero pag nabasa nyo to "A New Beginning" na ang title ng blog). New blog title, same cute author...Bwehehehehehe!

1. Single or Taken? Single at the moment.
2. Do you have a crush on anyone? I have a HUGE crush with someone right now.
3. Do they know? I don't think she knows about it but...I hope she could feel it though. *big grin*
4. Do you flirt a lot? What's flirting?
5. Who was your best relationship with? I'd rather not discuss this anymore. Next question please...
6. Do cheaters deserve a second chance?
7. Serious or Fun-loving? Both.
8. Humor or Romance? Both.
9. Dark or light hair? Doesn't matter.
10. Shorter or taller than you? Doesn't matter.
11. Do you kiss strangers? Ewww! Hindi ko pa pinangarap!
12. Do you hug strangers? Anong klaseng stranger?
13. How long was your longest relationship? 4 years.
14. Do you believe in kissing when you are not together yet? If after kissing, you'll be together...why not?
15. Do you think about the opposite sex a lot? I'm a lesbian, why would I think about them???
16. Have you ever slept at a friend of the opposite sex's house? Nope.
17. Do you tell your friends they are hot? Yeah! I see nothing wrong with that.
18. Would you rather have a sweet, clever guy/ girl or a wild one? Hindi sa namamakyaw ako, pero pwede bang lahat ng character na yan sa isang tao?
19. Have you ever liked someone a lot (and they knew it) who didn't like you back? Not that I recall coz if I know that they don't like me, hindi ko na sinasabi...
20. Do you feel comfortable with joking with your friends who are the opposite sex? Yeah. Although, I have very few friends who are of the opposite sex. Umm, teka, are gay males considered opposite sex?
21. Chocolates or flowers? Balloons...*huge grin*
22. Have you ever been in the friends-with-benefits situation? Not yet.
23. Teddy Bear or Card? Pwedeng card and me?
24. Would it be sweet or annoying if someone of the opposite sex called just to say hi? Definitely annoying! Pero kung friends ko sila, why not?
25. Ever felt like your Girlfriend/boyfriend didn't like you? Hindi ko pa na-experience yan.
26. Ever been cheated on? Not yet.
27. Ever done the cheating? Next!
28. Ever cried over a break up? Yeah...
29. Ever kissed or hugged your girlfriend/boyfriend in front of a teacher and got in trouble? Wala akong gf nung nag-aaral ako...meron pala pero sa ibang school sya naka-enroll.
30. Do you believe in miracles? Yes.
31. Is it easy for you to get over people who were special to you? Nope.
32. Have you ever made a birthday wish or blew on a dandelion on a relationship? Yeah.
33. Have you ever had a broken heart? Yeah.

Untitled

Untitled (How Could This Happen To Me?) Video - Simple Plan lyrics

Simple Plan Music Video Codes

Music Video Codes by VideoCure

Myspace Layouts

My Firsts

I'm starting to get use to eating alone. Not so bad really, I found out that I eat faster when I'm alone. Unlike when I'm with someone that I would have to pace my eating with my companion. Plus, most likely pag may kasabay ako, matagal kasi nga kwentuhang umaatikabo. Unlike when I'm alone that all I have to pay attention to was the food on my plate. While having lunch yesterday, it made me realize that andami ko ng nagawa noon na mag-isa lang ako. Things that I never really thought that I'd do alone. Siguro nasasabi ko lang na hindi ko kayang gawin mag-isa dahil all my adult life, I'm surrounded with friends and peers (and lovers). So habang kumakain ako, pinilit kong isipin yung mga first time experiences...

First Book I Read: Believe it or not, the Bible. I learned how to read even before I went to Kindergarten. We used to have an English illustrated version of the Bible which I read. In truth, I find the Bible fascinating. There are more myths and magic stories in the Bible than in any other book. What with the stories of Abraham and Sarah having a child at their old age, Joseph and Egypt's seven years of plenty, Moses and the parting of the Red Sea, even Lazarus being brought to life after being dead for three days. One of the reasons perhaps kung bakit maagang lumabo ang mata ko. I remember my mother telling me to stop reading the Bible kasi baka daw mag-madre ako or minister or, worse, mabaliw! Hehe. If she only knew...

First Vivid Memory of School: Nung Kinder 1 ako (saling-pusa lang ako nun) kasi naman anliit ko and mas bata talaga ako sa mga classmates ko. There was this one time na yung teacher ko ay may schedule for observation ng principal and district supervisor. So nagkaroon kami ng practise lesson the day before and she kept reminding us na yung lesson na tinuro nya that day will be the same lesson na ituturo nya kinabukasan. May isang question sya na nasagot ko (mahilig ako sumagot ng tanong pag wala ng nagtataas ng kamay among my classmates). And talagang tuwang-tuwa yung teacher ko saken. On the day of observation, yung principal and district supervisor nasa likod ng classroom to observe and super behave kami ng mga classmates ko. Nung tinanong nung teacher ko yung same question like she did the day before, wala pa ring sumasagot, then, tinawag nya ako (coz we both know that I know the answer to the question). Hindi ko alam kung anong iniisip ko nun, basta bigla akong umiyak. Siguro natakot ako na magkamali ng sagot. Tsk.

First Crush: I had my first crush when I was in Grade 5. She's a transferee from another school. Her name is Jeffelle ("J" na naman?). She's chinita and maputi and her uniform was always immaculately clean. One time, nakasabay ko sya umuwi, ang sarap kausap and she's smart. Pity that she transferred to another school the following year...I wonder where she is now...

First (and last) Boyfriend: Ok, ok, malamang may magtataas ng kilay sa makakabasa nito. Yeah, I had a boyfriend. It was the summer before my senior year in high school. His name is Allan. I met him sa outreach program ng church namin sa GMA, Cavite. One week lang kami dun. Ang nakakatawa, sinagot ko sya after a day na inamin nyang crush nya ako (easy to get ano?). But honestly, it was more of peer pressure kaya ko sya sinagot. I'm not really into boys (as I found out much later) kaso yung mga kabarkada ko na kasama ko sa outreach was saying na kelangan sagutin ko daw kasi ako na lang daw hindi nagkaka-boyfriend sa barkada. When we went back home, we exchanged a few letters. The excitement eventually wore off and I just stopped communicating with him.

First Ocean Travel: That was summer of '98, Superferry 12 going to Cebu City. Um-attend ako ng Kawayan Camp together with Jeng. Active pa ako sa church nito and I was getting involved in Christian youth activities sa PUP (under Kalasag Christian Fellowship). I remember, maalon ang dagat nun kaya para kaming dinuduyan sa loob ng cabin habang natutulog at umuurong yung plates at mga baso habang kumakain kami. Hindi naman ako nagsuka, unlike nung iba kong kasama na sobrang hilo, they weren't able to explore yung barko. Basta ang alam ko, may swimming pool ang Superferry 12 at madalas patugtugin yung jingle ni Sharon Cuneta na "super ferry...talagang trip kita"...at hindi pala kumpleto yung life vests sa mga cabin (hindi pa naman ako marunong lumangoy).

First Air Travel: Domestic flight lang, nung nagpunta kaming Zamboanga para sa work. We took the first flight papunta dun. Yung kasama ko (Cheryl din ang name), alam nyang first time ko sumakay ng plane, panay ang asar saken! At talagang pinaparinig nya ata sa lahat ng taong kasakay namin na first timer ako. Tanong ng tanong kung uminom daw ba ako ng Bonamine bago sumakay, baka hindi daw ako makatulog, etc. Pati tuloy yung team leader namin, tawa ng tawa. Sabi ko sa kanya: "Che, pwedeng tumahimik ka? ihuhulog kita dyan sa bintana (nasa window seat sya)." Ang fear ko nun e yung Abu Sayyaff kasi Siocon pala ang pupuntahan namin, pero wala namang untoward incident na nangyari. Paglapag lang nung plane, sabi saken ni Cheryl, halikan ko daw yung lupa...At meron palang nakakatuwang karatula kaming nakita habang nagbi-byahe sa van. Yung isang bakery sa Zamboanga City na ang pangalan ay: "Master Baker"...*grins*

First Movie Watched Alone: I can't remember when "The Mask of Zorro" was shown here. Tanda ko lang nasa college ako nun. I'm not even sure why I was in SM City at that time. Basta ang alam ko, malakas ang ulan nun kasi may bagyo and basang-basa yung lower part ng pants ko kasi lumusong ako sa baha. Hindi ko rin alam what made me purchase a ticket and go to the cinema alone. Big mistake kasi anlamig ng aircon. I end up not understanding the movie at all kasi two hours akong nangangaligkig ng ginaw sa loob.

First Time I Ate Alone in Public: This happened siguro about a month pag-alis ni Jeng. I can't remember exactly kung saang fastfood yun (ang alam ko sa SM City din). All I remember is that I somehow felt awkward and stupid, eating alone. After nung experience na yun, hindi ko na inulit...ngayon na lang ulit. Hehe.

First Time I Ate Balut: This year lang. Very memorable kasi sort of Baptism of Fire ko yan kasi hindi naman talaga ako kumakain ng balut. I remembered the first time I did so, kasama ko si Jane kasi may surveillance operation kami sa Rennaissance Towers. Merong nagtitinda ng balut dun sa labas ng Ministop. Pareho kaming hindi kumakain ng balut ni Jane pero parang na-dare lang. So bumili kami ng tig-isa. Buti na lang maliit yung sisiw at masarap yung vinegar nung manong. Kinain ko lahat, maliban sa balat at yung bato na tinatawag. Siguro mga tatlong sunod-sunod na gabing kumakain kami ng balut dun. Tumigil kami nung nagsimulang magsakitan ang mga batok namin...

First time sa Strip Joint: Haha. Hindi ko alam kung worth it pang i-kwento ito. Imagine ang kasama kong pumunta dun mga lalaki? Ako lang nag-iisang "alien". Nagkayayaan lang kasi may surveillance operation kami sa Quiapo. E, andami dun, tabi-tabi pa. So we went to this cheap one malapit sa Isetann Recto. Big mistake din kasi ampapangit ng babae (pwera biro). Hindi ko alam pero, honestly, naawa rin ako sa kanila. Kahit anong gawin, babae pa rin ako. Sino ba naman may gustong sumayaw ng ganun? Tapos, hiyang-hiya yung mga officemates ko kasi yung "first experience" ko daw sa ganun e hindi maganda.

First time I Drank Beer: Freshman or sophomore lang ata ako sa high school lang nun. Sa bahay, parang coming out of age. Pero present ang nanay at tatay ko. I supposed I got so drunk that night kasi may kasama pang yosi plus Pilsen pa yung ininom ko. I hated the morning after kasi nagkaroon ako ng pantal-pantal sa buong katawan na sobrang kati!!! Parang kinagat ako ng isang milyong higad...After nun, matagal bago ako uminom ulit and I hated beer all thru high school. Ngayon...balik-beer ulet. Hehe!

Marami pang first time. Kwento ko pa ba yung, first time I had my period? first kiss? first time I fell inlove? first eyeball with online acquaintance? Nakakatawang maalala pero madalas pagkatapos ng first experience, parang merong nabubuksang pinto para sayo. Kahit gaano ka-simple yung first time, masarap pa rin alalahanin kasi ibig sabihin, nag-take ka ng risk. And that is the only thing that's important. Hindi yung experience itself kundi yung thought that you took the risk. Kasi after ng first time, sisiw na yung mga kasunod...

Sadness

Life is the process of finding love; every person will need to find four people in their life.
First person is you,
Second person is the one you love most,
Third person is the one who love you most,
And the fourth is the one you spend the rest of your life with...
In life, initially, you will meet the one you love most, and learn how love feels. Because you know how love feels, so you can find the person who loves YOU most. When you experienced the feeling of loving others and being loved, you will then know what it is you need most. Then you will find the person who is most suitable for you, to be able to spend the rest of your life with.
Sadly, in real life, these three people are usually not the same person.
The one you love most doesn't love you.
The one, who love you most, is never the one you love most.
And the one you spend your life with, is never the one you love most or the one who love you most. He is just the person who happens to be at the right place at the right time.
Which person are you in other people's life?

If this is true, I've already found the second and third person...
_________________________

Sabi nila, lucky daw ang number 8. Don't know if it's true. It's the eighth of October tomorrow and it's the funeral schedule of my two uncles. My father went home to Pangasinan last night to attend his brother's funeral while me and my mother will be going to Bagong Silang tomorrow to attend the funeral of my aunt's husband. Parang wala na akong panahong maging malungkot at magluksa para sa mga naiwan...masyadong malungkot na ang week na ito para saken. Rest in peace Uncle Abelino and Tito Ramon...

Nanaman?!?

Just as I finished answering this...whatever you call this...tumugtog yung "Take Me, I'll Follow". Hay! The biggest decision you have to make is to choose. Not because you want to but because you have to...Wala lang. Just thinking aloud.

So far who did you talk to the most today? In person: Mabuen
What’s the weirdest story of one of your scars? Meron akong scar sa kaliwang braso. Talsik ng pure asido na pinantutubog sa alahas. Mahabang story pero tingin ko pinaka-weird yung scar ko na yun kasi korteng talsik.
What color is your toothbrush? Red
What is your middle name spelled backwards? sanagatam
Can you eat well with chopsticks? Nope. Pasmado ako, e.
What odd things creep you out? Alupihan.
Have you ever felt an earthquake? Yeah. Yung eathquake nung July '91. Grade school lang ako nun.
How many good friends do you have? Marami e.
What’s the weirdest thing you have ever eaten? Balut?
What is your favorite word that starts with the letter G? Girls? *naughty grin*
Who do you blame for your mood today? Hindi ko alam e. Sarili ko siguro.
What is the longest amount of hours you have slept in a row? 15 hours! Yun e kung walang pasok kinabukasan! Dati pa yun. Nowadays, blessing na pag nakatulog ako ng 5 hours straight (sigh).
What story do you tell most often? Yung "roller-ruler" story. Hehe.
How do ugly people make you feel? Wala lang.
Where was your father’s hometown? Tambobong, Dasol, Pangasinan
What are the posters on your walls? Walang posters. Pero may mga NBA figures nina Tim Duncan, Jason Kidd and Grant Hill.
What do you think people think of you? I don't know and frankly, I don't care.
Do you think this year will be better than the last? I hope so *sad face*
What is the stupidest thing you have ever done? When I crossed the pedestrian lane sa may Crossing. Tapos, hinuli ako for jaywalking (kamot ulo). Malay ko bang bawal tumawid dun?!?
What is your favorite commercial of the moment? Yung commercial ng Neozep. Anggaling ng nakaisip nun! Lakas ng recall!
What does it take to make you cry? Yung mga ganyang klaseng tanong....*sad face*
Have you ever cried because you thought you were ugly? Duh! Ugly ba ako? Ang cute ko kaya?! Di ba, big sis?
Who did you kiss today? Wala. Wala yung nephew ko e.
What do you like to do when you are alone? I read a novel.
What is missing from your life? Meron ba?
What do you think of Law and Order? Meron ba?
Can you name all 7 dwarfs? Umm, sheryl?
Who is the hottest drummer you know? Wala e.
Have you ever pretended to be Jewish? Nah.
What were you doing at midnight last night? Crying and coughing my lungs out.

Choose one and be sweet!
_Doug or Rugrats? Rugrats
_Chicken nuggets or Chicken fingers? Fried Chicken
_Pirates or Indians? Pirates
_Drive or Ride Passenger? Drive sana kaso hindi ako marunong e
_Regular Hot Dogs or Cheesy Hot Dogs? Neither
_Beach or Pool? Definitely beach
_Renting a movie or Going to the theater? Going to the theater

~Have you ever been cool enough to....
Pushed all the buttons on an elevator? Yeah. I do it often nung sa Cityland-Herrera pa ako nagwo-work.
Gone to school when you didn’t remember you had the day off? Nah, I'm not that forgetful.

~What was the last
TV show you watched? Pinoy Dream Academy
Food you ate? Pancit Canton
Thing you bought? Can't remember
Thing someone bought you? Pugad Baboy 18 and London Bridges by James Patterson
Thing you laughed at? A text message I received on my way to work this morning *grin*.
Person that spent the night at your house? ?!?
Song you sang out loud? Maybe Its You

Name 5 songs you have been playing a lot:
1. Can't Fight This Feeling by Reo Speedwagon
2. Maybe It's You by Jolina Magdangal
3. Paano by Shamrock
4. Something New In My Life by Stephen Bishop
5. The Best Of Me by David Foster and Olivia Newton-John

Finally!

A funny thing happened this morning. Nasa elevator na ako kaninang around 0845H at sa totoo lang maraming tao sa elevator at that time in the morning dahil hindi gumagana lahat ng elevator sa West Tower. So nag-aabang ako ng elevator with about eight other people. Natuwa naman ako nung umilaw ng ng berde yung isang elevator na malapit sa akin kasi, finally, makakasakay na ako. Medyo nagpahuli ako kasi hindi naman nagmamadali as I have plenty of time to spare. Naunang pumasok sa elevator? Isang lalaki at isang babae. At bigla na lamang, sa hindi maipaliwanag na dahilan ay nagsara ang pintuan ng elevator! O, di ba, bongga??? At talagang dire-diretso syang sumara kaya naman hindi ko napigilan ang mapabulalas, "ayos, ah! nagsolo?!" Well, for all I know, hindi nila sinasadya yun. Baka nalito yung babae at ngayon lang sya nakasakay ng elevator sa tanang buhay nya...Ok, change topic kasi hina-high blood na naman ako! Baka magkasala pa ako nito. I take that back. Hindi pala yun nakakatuwa...nakakayamot yun!!! Grrrrr!

Tungkol naman sa pics sa taas? Kuha yan sa tilapyaan nina Vicky sa Candaba, Pampanga. So, malamang ganyan ang itsura ni Crisostomo at Elias nung namangka sila sa Pasig River ayon sa novel ni Rizal. Hehe.

Single

I was joking to my eldest bro this morning. Narinig ko na naman kasi sya na nagsi-sermon (na may halong parinig) at around 6AM. Ang aga-aga kaya nun?! Sabi ko sa kanya, "alam mo, mag-asawa ka na rin kasi para hindi ka iritable..." Na sinusugan naman ng nanay ko na "oo nga." Umismid lang ang kuya ko, sabay sabi "para ano? hindi na, noh! kung ala rin lang akong ipapakain!" Come to think of it, wala na sa kalendaryo ang edad ng kuya ko. Ang ate ko, nagka-anak at age 30. At ako? Turning 27 but just got off from a two-year relationship.

I can't remember the exact date when my last relationship ended. Parang masyado ng matagal. Naiinip ba ako sa pagiging single? Hindi ko alam. In truth, this may be the first time in my adult life na naging single ako. Who would ever think that this will happen? Certainly, not me. A year ago, I was happily living with someone who so obviously adores me...Ok, ok, change topic na.

Ok rin naman maging single, ah! You can do whatever you want. Go to places you want to go kasama ang sinumang gusto mong makasama without guilt feeling or fear that a common friend or acquaintance might see you and magsumbong sa significant other mo. Pwede ka tumawag at mag-text kung kanino mo gusto ng walang magtatanong sayo kung sinong kausap mo o kung sinong ka-text mo. Mas may panahon na ako sa sarili ko ngayon tsaka sa family ko at mga kaibigan. At higit sa lahat, wala akong iniisip na pagkakagastusan para regaluhan sa Pasko, Birthday o Monthsary/Anniversary (although hindi ako naniniwala sa monthsary, mas bilib ako sa anniversary, e).

So being single has its advantage pero bakit feeling ko, habang tina-type ko yung last paragraph...parang nagsa-sour graping ako? Hmp! Kenis, di ba?
________________________

I'm still thinking kung anong magandang title na ipalit dito...Palagay ko isang reason kaya hindi ako masyadong makatulog sa gabi kasi negative ang aura nitong blogspot ko, e! Pero in fairness, I had such a wonderful dream last night! Sorry, hindi ko iku-kwento dito...Hehehe!

True?

Your Birthdate: November 15

You take life as it is, and you find happiness in a variety of things. You tend to be close to family and friends. But it's hard to get into your inner circle. Making the little things wonderful is important to you, and you probably have an inviting home. You seek harmony with others, but occasionally you have a very stubborn streak. Your strength: Your intense optimism Your weakness: You shy away from exploring your talents Your power color: Jade Your power symbol: Flower Your power month: June

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Q&A2

I love answering slumbook questions like this one. Anyway, I can't think of any good topic to post at this moment so I might as well get this over and done with...Here it goes:

Best place to cry? In your room.
Missing someone right now? Yep, but I don't think she feels the same way.
The person/people you love the most? My family.
Tell us your dream last night... Didn't dream anything last night. I was so dead tired!
Ever hated someone so bad? Not that I recall.
The biggest lie you've heard? Wala pa naman.
Ever lied to someone you love the most? Does lying to my parents count?
What's the worst thing you've ever done? Saying something and not meaning it.
Wanna be someone else than yourself? No way!
Ever slapped someone? Not that I recall.
Last time you cried? About a week ago.
Biggest crush? Leila Barrios!
Last mall you went to? Megamall (Don't have a choice, I pass thru it everyday.)
Last memorable song you heard? "Paano" by Shamrock (an Apo Hiking Society original)
Last person that hates you? Jane, I think
Reasons why you hate someone? Liar, plastik, conceited
Biggest lie you said? I love you
What you want to say to someone you love? There are many things I should be thankful for and one of those was when I found you. In a way, you have helped me become who I am now. Whatever the future may bring, I want you to know that you have a part of my heart with you.
Where you at? 33rd floor, Tektite Building, Ortigas
Have you EVER failed a subject at school? Nope!
What's on your mind right now? Nothing. Just want to finish answering this Q&A...I take that back. Actually, I;m thinking of changing the title of this blog. Parang negative kasi ang dating ng current title, e.
Honestly, who are you chatting online with now? None.
What is it that you REALLY should be doing right now? Working
Have you brushed your teeth today? Duh! Of course!
Who are your best friends in the world? Ayet. Pia.
Honestly, who is the hottest person you know? Mary Ann Africano, (a friend, way back in college).
Honestly, are you a good friend? Ask them, not me.
Honestly, do u really think going to school is important? Of course naman!
Honestly, what are your dreams about mostly? Dark settings e. Hindi ko alam kung bakit.
Honestly, who/what makes you happy most of the time? When I see my nephew smiling.
Honestly, what are you so sad about right now? Haha! Meron ba?
Honestly, how old are you now? 26...I'll be 27 in November
Honestly, what song are you listening to right now? Office noise.
Honestly, who do you want to meet at this very moment? Big sis!
Honestly, where do you like to be kissed? Lips, of course!
Honestly, do you have a deadly disease? Duh! Nagkakasipon ako...deadly na ba yun???
Honestly, do you hate someone right now? Nope.
Honestly, who/what do you wanna hug right now? Malayo yung "who" e so just a big fluffy pillow will do.

alalang

Horoscope

Pag alang magawa sa office, usually nagba-browse lang ako sa internet. I got this one from my horoscope at Dogpile. Read on:

Unpleasant memories may be holding you back. Luckily, today you're able to find a way to let go of these relics and keep them in the past, where they can't affect you anymore. A new person on the scene can inspire you to see things in a novel way and move on. Suddenly the old wounds you were nursing don't hurt so badly anymore. You're thinking positively about a new relationship, probably because it's preparing you for a brighter future.

Now, I don't really believe in Horoscopes. Aside from being brought up in a Christian family, I find it absurd that we should entrust our future and decisions to the stars. But my Horoscope today, really uplift my spirits. Nyehehehe!

Q&A

I've seen this sa pinoyexchange. Since I don't like discussing my personal life sa forum, dito ko na lang ipo-posts yung sagot ko. Hehe...here it goes:

Longest relationship? four years and four months
Shortest relationship? two years
At what age did you find out you're into samesex relationship? 18 years old
How many people have broken up with you? Just one
How many times have you truly been in love? Just once
How many boyfriends/girlfriends have told you that they love you? Two
Have you ever thought that you were going to marry the person you were with? Yes
Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurt? Yes...still hurts...
Have you ever made a boyfriend or girlfriend cry? Yes
Have you ever cried over a boyfriend or girlfriend? Yes!!!
Are you happy being single rather than being inrelationships? Right now, I'm trying to enjoy being single.
In the past 5 yrs have u ever cheated on a boyfriend or girlfriend? Technically, no.
Have you ever been cheated on? Nope.
What is the important PART of being in a relationship? Being able to share your love.
What is the worst part of being in a relationship? Meron ba?
Worst relationship? None, so far.
What do u like most about your gf/bf or your special someone now? I'm officially single but if ever meron akong special someone right now, I would want to be able to talk to her about anything and everything under the sun.
Have you ever broken someone's heart? Yes.
Do you talk to any of your exes? I talk to both of them.
If you could go back in time and change things to where you could still be with one of your exes,would you? My answer is definitely a "yes"!
Do you think any of your exes feel the same way? I don't know. Have to ask them first.
What is your ideal boyfriend or girlfriend? No ideals. What's important is I love her.
Have you dated people who were not good to you? No and I don't want to try.
Have you been in an abusive relationship? Abusive in what way?
Name your most memorable ex if you have had: Panda
Have you dated someone older than you? Not yet...wouldn't mind though (wag lang lola).
Younger? Yep.
What is one thing that all of your exes had incommon? Chinita and maputi.
Say, who are the top 3 most attractive ex thatyou have dated? Dalawa pa lang ex ko but they are both attractive.
Have you ever cried yourself to sleep over a someone or boyfriend/girlfriend? Yes.
Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? Yes and no. Depends, actually.
What do you most fight about? --
Believe in love at first sight? Nope. Attraction on first sight, perhaps...but not love.
Ever dated two people at once? Nope.
Ever been given a promise ring? Yes.
Ever been given an Engagement ring? Yes.
Do you want to get married? Same-sex? Yes.
Do you want kids? Yes.
If so, How many? One or two will do. But first, I have to find a donor...anyone interested???
Do you have something to say to any of your exes? Panda, I miss you!
Ever stolen someones boyfriend or girlfriend? Nope.
Ever liked someone else's boyfriend or girlfriend? Yeah...
Do you believe in true love? Yes
Does heartbreak really feel as bad as it sounds? It's an understatement, actually.
Are you intimate with your bf/gf or special someone? I was.
What would make you leave your gf/bf now? --
What would you tell your gf/bf/someone special NOT to do? I'd tell her not to lie to me.
Any vices you're trying to quit? Why? Does drinking coffee counts? Hindi raw maganda sa health sabi ni Big Sis. ; )
Have you broken a promise? Why? Yeah. No details please.
Name your bestfriend? Marita. She died on 2004.
What's the most embarrassing moment in your life? Wearing a dress during college graduation. All my classmates teased me afterwards.
What would you tell your gf/bf/special someone at this very minute? If I had one right now, I'll tell her: just say you'll love me for the rest of my life
Pet peeve? Mga taong mayabang
Are you happy now? Not really.
If NO, why? Next question, please
Do you believe in SOULMATE? Yes!
What's your vanity? I'm not a vain person.
Are you inlove right now? Hmmm.

Goodbyes

Well, i was listening to Whitney's music this morning and I heard this song once again:

I Know Him So Well

Nothing is so good it lasts eternally

Perfect situations must go wrong

But this has never yet prevented me

From wanting far too much for far too long

Looking back, I could have done it differently

Won a few more moments, who can tell?

But it took time to understand the man

Now at least I know, I know him well

Wasn't it good, Wasn't it fine

Isn't it madness he can't be mine

But in the end, he needs a little more than before

Security, he needs his fantasy and freedom

I know him so well

No one in your life is with you constantly

No one is completely on your side

And though I move my world to be with him

Still the gap between us is too wide

Looking back, I could have played it differently

Learned about the man before I fell

But I was ever so much younger then

Now at least, I know, I know him well

Wasn't it good (oh so good), Wasn't it fine (so fine)

Isn't it madness he can't be mine

Didn't I know how it would go

If I knew from the start

Why am I falling apart

That song almost always makes me cry whenever I hear it. For one, the lyrics are too sad and it could happen to anyone you know. Hindi lang boyfriend or girlfriend, pwedeng sa friend or family. I was particularly hit by the two stanzas (naka-italics)...Haha! I guess, nagiging masyado na akong malulungkutin...
I've read two emails this morning. One made me somewhat happy, the other made me somewhat sad. I guess, you really can't have everything you want and try as you might to hold on to something (or someone, for that matter), may mga bagay talaga na dapat mong pakawalan...not because you want to but because you have to...

Lessons

For the past week, I have learned lots of lessons. Well, life itself is a continuous process of learning which means a person who thinks that he knows it all is more like a complete fool or is ready to die.

Let me just share to you the lessons I've learned:

Never expect too much from anyone. Take each person as they come but never expect anything from them. In fact, accept them as they are.

Live for the moment and enjoy life as it goes. Know that everything, happiness or loneliness, will pass away. Understand that nothing is constant. By doing this, you will learn to accept hurt and heartaches. Forget the hurt but remember the lessons you've learned from it.

Never wallow in your heartaches and never let such things bring you down. It's alright to cry but never dwell on those things. Remember that whatever it is that brings you unhappiness also brought you joy somehow.

Treasure all people that you've met no matter how short you've been with them or how little you knew about them. Sometimes, those people will help you get through a bad time than your long-time friends will.

Never aspire to become popular. Just be yourself and be as honest as you can towards other people. Remember that how you react on other people will reflect on how you interact with them. So be confident with yourself and never get intimidated with anyone.

Hurting

Heart Of Mine

one day, you mayfind true love that will last forever and ever
'till then you'll spend a lifetime wishing one together
you never thought she'd say goodbye
and you will never understand the reasons why

heart of mine, how can you keep from dying
stop reminiscin', who is she kissing
heart of mine, oh what's the use in tryin'
no one can mend you now

love plays cruel games you can't believe she's found another lover
does she miss me sometimes you just can't help but wonder
no you can't hold the hands of time
and you will always be the one she left behind

and you will always be the one she left behind
lalala...lalalala...no one can mend you now


To be honest, I always find this song absurd...sa tingin ko kasi wala namang puso na pwedeng makaramdam ng ganyan. I always thought that the heart is just another body organ and as such is still subject to what the brain dictates it to do. Kaya natatawa ako sa mga taong nagsasabi na hindi raw sila maka “move on” o masyadong iniisip yung sakit daw ng puso nila na idinulot ng ibang tao. Don't misunderstand me, it's not like I don't emphatize with them. I do. Kaso ang thinking ko, ang emotion pwede mong diktahan. Pwede mong sabihin o ikundisyon ang sarili mo na maging masaya o malungkot depende sa gusto mo.
I didn't know how wrong I was...Pwede mo lang palang masabi yung mga ganung bagay hangga't hindi mo pa nararamdaman kung papano talaga ang masaktan...
Kung sa pag-iyak, napakababaw ng luha ko. I cry over a silly movie or a heart-wrenching story from a novel. I cry when I see a friend crying or if I find myself in a very touching moment...but that's about it. Of all my twenty-six years here on earth, hindi pa ako umiyak ng dahil “heart broken” ako. Oh, of course I had my own share of relationships pero sa isang tao lang ako naging heavily involved, so to speak...I find it ironic that only the people we love are capable of hurting us so bad. In fact, I find it ironic that the word “heart” sounds-like “hurt”, much like “love” and “lust” are both one-syllable, four-letter words that begins with the letter “L”.
Mabalik tayo dun sa kanta na nasa taas... “heart of mine, how will you keep from dying”? How indeed?

@$$hole

Why would some people allow themselves to look like a complete fool? Reminds me of the song "I Started a Joke" by the Bee Gees...I didn't see that the joke was on me.

I think it's only fitting that I named this spot, "huge mistake"...And I call myself a sensible person at that??? I guess, I never did understood what sensible really means.

"can't believe that i'm the fool again,
i thought this love would never end...
how was i to know? you never told me..."

Sleepless

I just couldn't seem to get a good night's sleep for more than two weeks now. Perhaps I was thinking of so many things or maybe I am into what other's call "Quarter Life Crisis".

Hah! Quarter Life Crisis, indeed! For all I know, I'm just drinking too much strong coffee in the morning kaya hindi ko makuha ang tulog ko sa gabi...Yes, perhaps that's the reason!

Last night, I woke up again at past 12:00MN. It was the earliest . I normally wake up at around 1-2AM (normally...coz it's been that way for almost three weeks already).

I remained awake in my bed and stared at the ceiling for what seemed like hours. I didn't really thought of anything nor did I attempt to stand up. After a while, I changed position and closed my eyes in an attempt to catch sleep. It didn't work. In fact, it just made me think of things which I didn't want to think anymore.

At this point, I decided to stand up and I turned on the lights. I wanted to continue reading "A Time To Kill" but I couldn't seem to understand the words. After two chapters, I put the novel down and pulled my blanket. Suddenly, without warning, I felt tears rolling down my cheeks, on to my hair and into my pillow.

Darn it! Is it possible to cry for no apparent reason? Or am I starting to be soft-hearted already? What was I really thinking of? Or should I ask who?

I think I quietly cried for about five minutes. There was a song that was playing in my head and I'm not sure if the song was what triggered the tears.

Mercifully, my eyes seemed to have grown weary of the tears. I felt my eyelids closing, slowly. It seemed like it has a life of it's own.

This should not go on. I must find a way to sleep...I must.

Slumbook

Everybody has experienced high school life. It is the time of your life in which you get to experience first crush, first love (pero yung first love ko, hindi ko na-experience nung high school although marami akong crush). It is the time of your life in which we get to value our friends more than most of our family since we get to spend more time with them and in school than at home.

For sure, most of us had experience at one time or another signing a Slumbook (may iba pang tawag dyan e, hindi ko lang alam kung ano)...I don't exactly know the reason why signing a slumbook is the “in” thing in high school (minsan kahit elementary students) but one thing is sure...if you hadn't experienced doing that in high school it's either (1) you're not popular or (2) you didn't have any friends.

Maraming klase ng slumbook. Merong nabibili sa National Bookstore...ito yung mga mamahalin na merong colorful designs and pages and bounded properly. I think ang pinakamalaking setback sa mga ganitong klase ng slumbook ay masyadong konti yung mga questions pagdating sa “up close and personal” section. Itong section na 'to kasi ang considered na pinaka-importante sa lahat since dito usually nare-reveal yung mga darkest secrets nung signee.

Kung wala kang pera pero super creative ka, pwede kang gumawa ng sarili mong slumbook na papipirmahan sa mga friends mo (ito yung ginawa ko, hehe). Ang advantage sa ganitong klase ng slumbook e pwede mong ipersonalize yung lahat ng questions pati lahat ng pages. Pati yung questions sa “up close and personal” section pwede mong gawing specific para kahit yung mga pinakatagong lihim nung signee e malalaman mo.

Kapag pumipirma sa slumbook, yung ibang magugulang mas pinipiling pumirma sa pinaka-last pages o sa hulihan nung slumbook. Advantageous nga naman kasi hindi mo na kelangang mag-worry na baka mabasa ng crush mo (kung sakaling hindi pa sya pumipirma) o ng gf/bf mo yung mga inner thoughts mo. Major turn off nga naman pag nakita nya yung “messages” part kung saan kelangang mag-leave ka ng message sa may-ari ng slumbook tapos ang mababasa nya e bali-baliko ang grammar at spelling mo. Hehe.

Sa ngayon, I think this sort of thing is losing it's allure (hindi ko na nga naririnig yung mga younger siblings ko talking about that) or becoming obsolete. What with Friendster, MySpace, Hi5 at kung anu-ano pang mga online community na pwedeng salihan. Mas madali nga naman pag sasali ka sa ganun at usually, hindi ka na mamomroblema sa mga papel na pwedeng mabasa ng mga kasambahay mo at pwede mo pang i-personalize ang home page mo (lagyan mo ng music o astigin na background).

Pero ang hindi ko malilimutan sa slumbook e yun ngang “up close and personal” section (o kung anuman ang tawag dun, nalimutan ko na e). Para sa akin, yun yung pinakamasarap sagutan kasi makikita mo dun yung mga pinaka-inosenteng meaning ng love, crush at kung anu-ano pa. Unfortunately, yung slumbook kong ginawa nung high school e itinapon ko na kaya hindi ko na ma-recall yung mga bagay na sinabi ko dun. Siguro kung magkakaroon ako ng chance na makasagot uli ng slumbook at this day and time, ganito ang magiging sagot ko sa “up close and personal” section:

Define Love:
Love is the most infinite feeling that anyone lucky enough would be able to experience.

Define Crush:
It's being attracted to someone else but not exactly falling in love with them.

Unforgettable date and time:
June 19, 2004 That's the time when my bestfriend died of childbirth (and yes, heterosexual sya)

Have you ever been in love?
I fell in love twice...

To whom?
Qualified pa ba ang secret dito? Shy sya e.

Where and when did you meet?
A long, long time ago...in a land not so far away...

What attracted you most? Eyes! Definitely the eyes!

Who is your crush?
Pwede rin bang secret na rin ang sagot dito? I know it's unfair but, oh well...

Describe your first kiss:
Very sloppy! But it was the best kiss I ever had. Hay! If given the chance, I would want to come back at that moment...

Likes:
Funny and intelligent people

Dislikes:
Mapagkunwari, mayabang

Worst thing about you:
I tend to forget I'm with someone especially when I'm reading a book.

Best thing about you:
thoughtful, sweet (sabi nya)

How do you see yourself five years from now?
I don't want to know. Maraming akong gusto e but i learned that no matter how perfect your plans are, meron pa ring mangyayari na hindi mo inaasahan then all of a sudden, all your plans would disappear...as of now, i just take each day as it comes.